It’s often not the big things but the small missteps that damage relationships—particularly when it comes to receptivity. Of course, as the speaker or writer, you focus on substantive matters like facts, structure, and strategy. Yet think of all the business blow-ups and recent political upheavals caused by a single phrase or even a single word that hits a raw nerve with the public.
You can’t afford NOT to be concerned with word choice and someone taking offense over how you say something. The following common words and phrases can be the 2X4 that slams people between the eyes and gives YOU, the speaker or writer, the proverbial black eye:
“No problem”—This come-back, often used as a substitute for “You’re welcome,” can be interpreted quite differently. What the words actually imply: “What you’re requesting could be a big problem, but I handled it for you without a problem.” That’s definitely not the same message as “You’re welcome.”
“I apologize for any inconvenience that may have caused”—This frequently used boilerplate apology demonstrates the speaker or writer has given no thought to stating what the real inconvenience was. This vague apology implies that what may have been a significant problem has been a mere “inconvenience.” What’s more, it suggests that it might not have caused a problem after all (“may have caused”)!
“Obviously”—Translated, this means, “The information that follows here should be obvious to everyone. But since you are not so bright, I’m highlighting it again to make sure you grasp what’s obvious to everyone else.”
“Apparently”—This word implies that someone has been sneaky, previously hiding something from you. You’ve had to figure that out for yourself: “NOW I GET IT; you can’t fool me! Here’s what I’ve deduced about what you failed to tell me….”
“As I pointed out earlier”—This phrase typically translates, “Weren’t you listening? Just want to make sure you not-so-smart people understand this.”
“Let me say again that”—Closely related to the previously phrase, this comment can be interpreted, “Since you have difficulty understanding plain English, I think I’d better repeat that.” Or, said arrogantly, it can mean, “What I have to say is profound. Listen up!”
“Let me be perfectly clear”—While on the surface this lead-in statement may sound helpful, it can also mean, “Let me simplify things so someone of your intelligence can’t possibly misunderstand.”
Offense is rarely intentional. But unfortunately people hear the words—not your intentions.
Learn about other communicationpitfalls to avoid with What More Can I Say: Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It
